Make a wish

Has it ever happened with you that you imagine something in your head mindlessly and it came true and you go like "fuck, I just imagined that" and then feel like killing yourself because only if you knew it would come true, you'd have imagined something you really wanted. Bleh. Such a mean thing, this life. 

You know What I mean

I, I can’t take things slowly
Come let away that’s what they all do
Help me ‘cause I’m feeling shaky
Tell me what’s wrong with my brain
'Cause I've seem to have lost it

'Cause I am afraid of the light
Yeah you know what I mean
And I can't sleep alone at night
yeah you know what I mean

Lonely, that’s not quite my problem
I have all that I need, haven't quite lost it
I try so hard to be happy
'Cause something goes wrong once again

Please, please come and save me
Tell me what’s wrong with my brain
'Cause I've seem to have lost it


'Cause I am afraid of the light
Yeah you know what I mean
And I can't sleep alone at night
yeah you know what I mean

From Me With Love, Oh well !

Dear Prick,

State the obvious: I thought you were a friend when you clearly abuse that word. I finally see it all now (never too late) that you're so wrong and a bad idea. Don't you think some people are too genuine and sweet to be messed with for fun?  Look, some people love being around me, some probably not so much. People in the latter category aren’t of much interest to me.  And I’d rather not get cancelled on twice and get into small talk later like right now.  Seriously, no one rocks the two words “clever and pretentious” better than you darling. Anyone could have figured you out, air borne bacteria could have figured it out, I couldn’t !

You're an expert at sorry and keeping lines blurry, but then I should have known. Maybe it's me and my blind optimism to blame or maybe it's you and your sick need to play your dark twisted games. Soon you're gonna find this won't make you many friends. I'm sure they didn’t teach you that in prep school so it's up to me.  Friends are not your chess game where you change the rules every day. I don't need new versions of you each day on the phone.  And feel free to add my name to your long list of spoil sports who don't understand. I should have just run as fast as I could before I even thought we could be friends: for what the word means. You've let me down and you're not sorry, I know. Glad I figured you out before you became important in my life. You don't have to text me anymore. I won't answer it. Tired of you being a super prick. But that’s okay, you took a swing, I took it hard and down here from the ground I see who you are.

So here's to everything, coming down to nothing just like the way you'd want it. Let’s hear some applause to the shortest friendship ever.

Cheers.

Do you re-read text messages too?

So you're into this guy and he texts you all the time or well, initially all the time and then after he's slept with you, then barely any. I'm talking about you analyzing the texts he sends you. I’m not even going to explain it because, to my fellow text analyzers out there, you know who you are and what I’m talking about.  So far I’ve wasted two years, three months, four weeks and one day on it. And they say fags are addictive. I’m yet to kick either but my money’s on the fags going first.

Just saying…

Sob Story number 1

You make a million decisions and nothing changes but one day out of boredom you attend a party and end up meeting someone who can turn your life upside down atleast for a few days and NOT for good. Hello, meet me the self proclaimed victim. It was the usual, got introduced to a guy and we chatted for a bit. Exchanged numbers and the texting we phenomenal for someone like me who hates using the phone except to make a call. We hit it off so well, I thought. He agreed. He was open to asking me for dinner very casually-friend like manner, I agreed. We hung out in the evening eating and having fun -- 4 days in a row and all 4 days ending up at his apartment to chill at night. That's how much a guy can wait before he gets laid. So it started, with a general holding of hands and he just pulled me closer. He could have just kissed me that time, but that's not how players operate. He made sure he used those words "I really want to kiss you right now, but I dont wanna lose you as a friend, i value our friendship too much" ... We still made out.

2 Days later.

At his place. We had decided that we will forget what happened and remain friends. But he starts to hug and I ask, "we should date, shouldnt we?"
"Umm...well, I've just known you for a really short time (but long enough to try and get into my pants, thank god i did not have sex that night) and I'm not really looking for a girlfriend..."
"What do you mean, the other night you said you want to spend new years with me etc..."
"Yea I do, but I just want to be your friend, nothing more. I am sorry. I do think you are very attractive and I could fool around with you and then we can stop talking, but I don't want that"
"So??"
"So...we just stay friends..."
"Friends with benefits?"
"Well, no , not if you don't want to..."
"What the fuck"
"If you don't even wanna stay friends, I'm okay with it"
"I know you are"
"I mean I will be eventually"

And the words from 2 days back came to my head. "I really want to kiss you right now, but I dont wanna lose you as a friend, I value our friendship too much"

They don't need girls as friends, they need fuck-buddies. They have boys to be friends with. And so very convenient. We connect. We get on. You're amazing only until I get to sleep with you or know that I won't get that until I commit to you.

That happened and next thing I know is I'm Bridget Jones version of myself, crying my eyes out and lost day and night. I had the option to not text back when he checked on me, but I did. I had the option to chuck him out of my life but I'm too proud to make him feel "Oh she is in love with me, she can't stand being around me as a friend so she left" So I keep in touch. Ofcourse, I'm not going to be asked to Dinners and movies now and that would suck. But what sucks more and hurts like a cactus is that I got fooled into the whole thing and I'm not even 19 to justify that with...What am I feeling bad about? I lost a friend? I lost someone who I thought I could have something with and have someone to cuddle and kiss and talk to? I came off looking as needy? He knows how I feel and will never value me again? I don't know...I wish I went back home that night.

Now someone help me out, I'm sure you guys have been through heartbreaks and shit and you're so awesome that you'll be able to grill some sense to my head. I need help and I can't pretend to be strong anymore and fake smile all day and never breakdown. Thoughts on dealing with this? (Please don't say hang out with friends) :)

Live a Little

"I'm not the girl you'll find taking irrational decisions when it comes to important things in my life."

I'm kidding. Just wanted to see how that sounds ;) Because I am exactly the opposite and would give an arm and a leg to be called calm, composed, rational. Though I am somewhat rational at some level, but I don't quite know what to make of the irregular spurts that I have. Anyhow, so why think about it today?

Because, I am a control freak so when it comes to my life, I like it planned, like a movie that I can watch in my head and know the climax and go to sleep peacefully. And that's how it works for me most times, except that sometimes, life just adds some spice to my life. Then I sit with my cup of tea and think, should I go for it? This situation, this moment, this chance : should I just take it or deny its whole existence to myself and keep going on  as planned.

When I asked a friend about it, she said "Live a little"... Three words that made me smirk and I just went for it. And by the end of the day, what I did was not a part of the life I had planned, it made me happy. Sometimes, life should be unplanned. We all like a free movie ticket every now and then don't we and even if we haven't planned to go to the movies, we would if someone gave us a spare ticket. Isn't it? Okay wait...I'm sure all of you are already sold to the idea and anyway don't plan every minute of your lives. It's me who needed this talk but this post makes it sound like I'm trying to revolutionize your lives ! Haha, you gotta love denial !

Thanks for reading you lovely people !

Later.