Do you have a sibling you love and they love you back a lot more? If the answer is yes, stop reading this post and thank god NOW! When I was young, I always wanted an elder brother who I had seen were very possessive but eqally loving as well. In turn, what I had was an elder sister who by all means was nothing but dominating. There was just feeling I had when obeying her, that of no choice and anger when disobeying her. She thought of me as a curse sometimes and I would be a different person for good if she was not in my life. But I had hope, in my little brother to be my companion when we grew up. As kids the three of us fought a lot, no one was really close to anyone though I always looked at the happier siblings and thought of getting adopted by them. Mom always said that kids fight when they are young and love each other when they grow old. I held on to that and waited for my brother to grow up as I had given up any hope to be able to love and be oved by my sister. He did grow up into a big guy, just that I did not know this boy at all. He would refuse to share his life, his thoughts, his aspirations with me. He wanted his space as much as to throw me miles away from where I could not even hear if if he's someday call for help. The sister had her own baggage for which I was to be blamed so we drifted apart as well. There were times when bro's mood was good he's get me something sweet or call up instead of giving a missed call and that would make my day. But slowly, I've learnt that I should not bank upon this occasional love and the unspoken concern if there exists any. He doesn't care about what I feel and Rakhi is just another day for him. I am his sister and I am not special.
I do have things to thank them for. My sister for helping me get my 2+2 right and for the late night lessons that would help me passs. For the hundreds of essays and debates she helped me with and for the few times when she was a friend for a change. My brother, for teaching me how to endure in relationships and still have hope they will come out and shine someday. If you ask me whether I am close to either of them or are they close to me, my answer will be NO ! But even then, I keep awake thinking about them at times and miss being the happy siblings that we could be like everyone else. Its never the big things that we need at the end of the day, its the small things, it the truth and the love that we expect failing which we feel incomplete. World is unkind and God's unfair. We live in a beautiful world where lives are tough and so entangled that sometimes, you don't care about what would happen if you just jerk the string so it comes off once and for all.
This was one thing I always wanted and this is one thing I will never have. It's not their fault. Its just who they are and the people that they have become. Its just something you build when you're young and that is the innocence that makes your love stronger as you grow and live happily ever after. So the point is, if you have a brother who keeps nagging yet stands by you when you need him, makes you smile and loves you like crazy or if you have a sister who is your best friend and loves you more than anything else and is your source of joy in this world, then get up and go give them a hug and tell them you're lucky to have them...
I'll be off as I still havent found what I'm looking for...
