Sob Story number 1

You make a million decisions and nothing changes but one day out of boredom you attend a party and end up meeting someone who can turn your life upside down atleast for a few days and NOT for good. Hello, meet me the self proclaimed victim. It was the usual, got introduced to a guy and we chatted for a bit. Exchanged numbers and the texting we phenomenal for someone like me who hates using the phone except to make a call. We hit it off so well, I thought. He agreed. He was open to asking me for dinner very casually-friend like manner, I agreed. We hung out in the evening eating and having fun -- 4 days in a row and all 4 days ending up at his apartment to chill at night. That's how much a guy can wait before he gets laid. So it started, with a general holding of hands and he just pulled me closer. He could have just kissed me that time, but that's not how players operate. He made sure he used those words "I really want to kiss you right now, but I dont wanna lose you as a friend, i value our friendship too much" ... We still made out.

2 Days later.

At his place. We had decided that we will forget what happened and remain friends. But he starts to hug and I ask, "we should date, shouldnt we?"
"Umm...well, I've just known you for a really short time (but long enough to try and get into my pants, thank god i did not have sex that night) and I'm not really looking for a girlfriend..."
"What do you mean, the other night you said you want to spend new years with me etc..."
"Yea I do, but I just want to be your friend, nothing more. I am sorry. I do think you are very attractive and I could fool around with you and then we can stop talking, but I don't want that"
"So??"
"So...we just stay friends..."
"Friends with benefits?"
"Well, no , not if you don't want to..."
"What the fuck"
"If you don't even wanna stay friends, I'm okay with it"
"I know you are"
"I mean I will be eventually"

And the words from 2 days back came to my head. "I really want to kiss you right now, but I dont wanna lose you as a friend, I value our friendship too much"

They don't need girls as friends, they need fuck-buddies. They have boys to be friends with. And so very convenient. We connect. We get on. You're amazing only until I get to sleep with you or know that I won't get that until I commit to you.

That happened and next thing I know is I'm Bridget Jones version of myself, crying my eyes out and lost day and night. I had the option to not text back when he checked on me, but I did. I had the option to chuck him out of my life but I'm too proud to make him feel "Oh she is in love with me, she can't stand being around me as a friend so she left" So I keep in touch. Ofcourse, I'm not going to be asked to Dinners and movies now and that would suck. But what sucks more and hurts like a cactus is that I got fooled into the whole thing and I'm not even 19 to justify that with...What am I feeling bad about? I lost a friend? I lost someone who I thought I could have something with and have someone to cuddle and kiss and talk to? I came off looking as needy? He knows how I feel and will never value me again? I don't know...I wish I went back home that night.

Now someone help me out, I'm sure you guys have been through heartbreaks and shit and you're so awesome that you'll be able to grill some sense to my head. I need help and I can't pretend to be strong anymore and fake smile all day and never breakdown. Thoughts on dealing with this? (Please don't say hang out with friends) :)